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...Not Okay Anymore...

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It's such a gorgeous sight, to see you here in the middle of the night [24 Aug 2005|09:25pm]

[ mood | loved ]

I am leaving this community. I am no longer depressed or not ok. I"M IN LOVE!!! I am finally happy again! I haven't felt this good in awhile. So, yeah. Goodbye all.

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[23 Aug 2005|12:36pm]

[ mood | flirty ]

Wow, it's been awhile. I'm doing alot better than I was back then.. I can't believe I'm almost 18.. time has certainly flown by.. I have friends having babies, friends getting married.. it's insane. I think I also feel alot more comfortable with the way things are going.. I miss the way alot used to be but certain things, like, how depressed/suicidal I was, I don't want back.. But overall things are alright. I'm not sure what else to say right now so I'll probably give a better update later..

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And pay off my exes... [07 Aug 2005|10:50pm]

[ mood | contemplative ]

Tonight, after reading a book entitled, Hard Love, I came to an important revelation that I think is necessary in my growth and maturity. It's about my ex. He likes to point fingers, but I'd rather not because that's not the conclusion tonight that I've reached. For the past couple of weeks, I was questioning why I even dated him... he called me a bitch, etc. because I wouldn't talk to him online like twice, which was irritating and frustrating. It seems I forgot the kind of person that Will is.

Anyway, so I'd been looking back on our relationship with nothing but regret. But, anyway, either way you look at it, I think it's important to remember that in the beginning, I was happy. Truly happy. And although in hindsight, there are somethings I regret about June of freshman year, I didn't regret them as it was happening. And I think it's important to remember that I was young and naive, as most of us are as rising sophomores, but I cannot look back and simply regret two years of my life.

Although he has now decided to hate me, I have decided after my epiphany that I cannot hate him in return. I don't believe after sharing yourself for two years that you could possibly hate someone. You see, it's easy to pass the blame off on the other person and let the accusations fly, but in the end, I was in love. And I won't forget what it was like. And yeah, I was blinded by it, blinded from imperfections and different paths of life, but in some small sense, it was still there.

So now, I'll walk alone, to him unknown. Because he's pushed me out, which I think is hurtful that he hates me, but at the same time, whatever helps him to move on and be happy is important. I don't like the idea of someone hating me so much, but in the same respect, I understand why he might have to do so. But anyway, through it all, I think it's important not to look back and regret my decisions. I made these decisions, and for the longest time, I truly was happy. And when it was over, I knew. And every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. And although we aren't together, I think tonight I've realized it is senseless to think ill about him. Love is not always easy. Sometimes, it's hard (hard love). This revelation is about as important to me as it gets.

♥ Melissa

A thousand words you said to me,
You'll say again,
To her because she,
Deserves them more than,
I could have.

Humans tell lies,
Like the many ones I,
Heard and couldn't bear,
But still I held on,
Waiting for one to be,
The truth.

...that would be 30 second shitty poetry for you.

p.s. sorry all, for abandoning this community. lol. i'll try to do something for it.

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[20 Aug 2004|07:09pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

Hey guys.. im Crystal (Cry) and yeah obviously i'm new... im never okay yeah.. so i thought id introduce myself and theres not alot of people here so it would be nice if you guys could too.... well im 16 and yeah i am a cutter, bipolar, ana..


im abused and for six years ive been doing this other crap to myself but most people think i have the perfect life and no one notices the tears my smile hides.


i joined this community cuz i feel like crying right now.. not for any reason really i just feel like it idk why.. and i feel like cutting but im going to try not to... but yeah i guess ill write again another time...



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[01 Jul 2004|09:58pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

Reasons I'm Not Okay:

1. My boyfriend is gone.

2. I have no plans for the 4th of July. And I don't get to spend it with him.

3. I'm scared that he's going to have more fun up there than he ever had with me.

4. I can't stop crying. I look so ugly lately.

5. I need to talk to him, but they don't have a phone.

</3 &brokenhearts; Melissa

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1st entry.....by me... [27 Apr 2004|02:28pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

hey, people. i guess i joined this community. ehh?! anyways so i guess i should write about things that aren't ok.....

the whole last week i was depressed...suicial depressed. things jus got...messed up. with friends, family, school, myself, and even my boyfriend. things have cleared up to a point. but their not perfect or happie now. i almost lost my room, i almost lost a boyfriend, i almost lost best friends/friends. school i am not the smartest person alive. with my boyfriend, things r weird, at least in my views. with my best friends i feel i am not "close" with them anymore. i feel someone, is lieing to me, in my group of friends/best friends. my mom n i got in a HUGE fight jus recently. i think i can honestly say it was the 1st time i ever said i "hated" her and meant it. at least i thought i did. uhhh...i dont feel like writing anymore right now. my mom jus wrote me a letter that is kinda making me feel sad.

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Here we go... [26 Apr 2004|08:07pm]

[ mood | lonely ]

Join the community... yer not alone for crying... yer not alone with yer pain... because we're just like ya...and we don't mind listening when no one else will...

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